PDF of Statements and supporting Legal documentation sent to Organizations in 2019
My name is Leftenant Fox, My pronouns are They/Them. What follows is a statement of understanding, apology, a timeline of the events of 2019, and hopes for a path forward.
Statement- In 2019 I defended a partner who had served time in jail 6 years prior for attempted assault of a minor. Their information was posted on shared community FB pages in response to the announcement that they would be a teaching assistant for me at an upcoming con. This defense contributed to community harm, and I would like to address that now.
I now understand that my defense of Fen hurt many people because I was in a position of power as a titleholder, educator, and community leader. Our leaders are entrusted to protect our communities, and I was seen as defending someone who was perceived to have directly harmed children or, at the very least, had the intent to harm children. I broke that trust. For that, I am deeply sorry.
I know that many of us have personal traumas related to sexual abuse, and this experience prevents us from hearing anything other than the assault and the harm. Those feelings and experiences are valid and real.
I realise that my defense of Fen could have made those who have endured horrific assaults and abuse feel like I was invalidating them. For that, I am deeply sorry. I would like to state very clearly that I will never support the abuse, assault, or neglect of children or people of any age.
In 2019, I made the decision I did based on the information I had, and I realise that others did not have access to that same information and saw only the charging document. With only the charging document, I understand how inconceivable it is that anyone would support someone capable of this offense, let alone defend them. I also realise that this defense was colored by the power exchange I had entered into and the isolation I was beginning to experience. That isolation and loss of community also made me afraid and I could only try to hold onto what little I had. This attempt at security made my defense desperate.
I chose to remain outside of the community I love for 4 years because I was doing my best to understand what happened to me. I found that despite best efforts, I was in a relationship that manipulated my trust and used it against me.
I chose not to seek out the organizations and people that were around in 2019 because I felt that their minds were made up about me, and I did not want to inadvertently cause more harm by bringing up the past.
To provide clarity in the spirit of transparency, I would like to share a brief timeline.
2014- Fen went to jail for 8 months and served probation for attempted assault of a minor.
3 years later in 2017- I met Fen at Rocky Mountain Rebellion in SLC because they were dating a leather family member at the time.
2 years later in Jan 2019- started long-distance relationship with Fen
April 2019- A friend of Fen’s who had been trusted with legal documentation during their arrest, sentencing, and jail time met me at Kinkfest 2019 and found out I was dating Fen. They asked me “if I knew about the things Fen did and if I didn’t know I should ask” but refused to talk more about what it was—traveled back to Seattle before I returned to SLC and asked Fen about it. They were honest and gave me the legal documentation that included the charging document, judgment and sentencing, and correspondence with therapists and supervisors to look at. After reading it and taking a day, I decided it was in their past, they had served the time and done the therapy, and I was going to deal with the person in front of me.
August 2019- moved to Seattle, knowing only Fen and their partners. Entered into a power dynamic where I was owned by Fen.
November 2019– I was slotted to teach for Sin in the City 2020, and announced Fen would be my demo partner for a class. The former friend that approached me at KinkFest and their partner released the 2014 charging document and identifying documents on Facebook in several shared leather and queer groups.
I made a statement of defense and posted Fen’s statement with the legal paperwork that stated the work they’d done, military lie detector tests, and a statement from their psychologist about their arrest and mental state to several leather orgs, community orgs, fb pages, and individuals. (These documents are available upon request)
These statements received little or no response, and my title and kink FB pages were reported and banned. Every connection or community that I had been a part of refused to speak to me. I had lost everything and spent 2020 alone with Fen and their foundation partner. I remained outside the community.
December 2020- Fen cheated on me with an intoxicated friend and waited a month to tell me. Fen’s foundation partner, additional partner, and meta all told me I was over-reacting to the betrayal and that it wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it out to be. I spent a day on a suicide hold and moved out within 2 weeks. Remained outside the community. I continued to participate in weekly individual therapy that was established in June 2020.
April 2021– was my last contact with Fen as they had found belongings of mine while moving and returned them. I maintained weekly therapy thru October 2023, where it went down to once a month. I remained outside community
July 2023- I was invited to be staff at Wicked Jester. Informed the staff and leader of the 2019 incident. I chose to become DM and Orientation leader because I wanted to help develop a foundation of safety and awareness as a way to share the skills and awareness of personally developed because of that 2019 incident.
April 2024– WJ falls because the leader did not follow the rules established for reporting and handling consent concerns ( which were supposed to be internally transparent and handled by a group). Chose to stay out of community because of the harm I felt from being lied to by WJ leader.
April 2025– Invited to join Kink Center. Chose the Director of Safety position to develop Kink Center’s foundations of consent and community safety. 5 years of intense personal work had allowed me to see the mistakes I made and the harm that was caused by my actions. I knew that with this knowledge and experience, I could help build a community that cherished transparency, communication, and compassion as shared foundational values.
April 2025– Accepted to graduate school in Ireland and had Kink Center find a replacement for the Director of Safety. This replacement would serve in an Assistant Director of Safety until I left in August. I intend to stay on as Vice President and serve in an advisory role.
May 2025- Kink Center officially opens
I understand that my position as the Director of Safety at Kink Center is one that requires trust in the person who holds it. I know that because of my actions in 2019, people don’t trust me. Please know that everything Kink Center is and does is transparent because we know that this value, along with open communication, is crucial to community success.
I realize that there is a concern that I have not been transparent with the wider Seattle community about the issues in 2019, and it is my hope that this statement will correct that. I understand that even with this statement, there will be those who will never trust me, but I ask that you see this statement along with Kink Center’s organization and policies as our commitment to regaining your trust.
I realise that it could be helpful for everyone to understand what the Director of Safety does at Kink Center. As the initial Director of Safety, I assisted in developing the safety guidelines that hopefully uphold a high standard of physical, emotional, and mental safety. With Raven, I developed our general House Rules and a general monitor training class that will give folks a solid foundation in kink event safety wherever they go. Know that no 1 person holds power and everything (I mean everything) is open to feedback, critique, and change. This openness is a load-bearing value at Kink Center and one that everyone agrees to uphold.
At Kink Center, general event safety monitoring is up to the individual hosts. We will provide additional monitors and support for consent or safety issues (mainly finding mediators) only if asked. The Director of Safety may receive some complaints but their job is to ensure the hosting org or individual has the resources to address them. The Director of Safety is a guide, a team member with the organizations and individuals that choose to use Kink Center. We are a space to gather, not an organization that controls.
I’m so proud to be a part of Kink Center, and all staff is dedicated to creating a community space that is one where everyone not only knows that they belong here but also feels a sense of ownership of this shared space, because that is how communities succeed and thrive.
I hope to leave this community in very capable hands and with this beautiful space to house a strong, joyful community.
I want to thank you for listening to what I have to say and for the opportunity to say it. I want to thank those who brought concerns to us about my past and safety. I want to thank those who helped me understand the importance of making the first step towards healing a wound I was in part responsible for. It is my hope that we can continue to heal and grow with intention and awareness. It is my hope that we will protect this vibrant, diverse, and beautiful community together. As always, I welcome discourse that is focused on understanding and compassion.
Thank you for your time
Leftenant Fox 